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Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Being Completely Exhausted

A blogging Kat! I find myself funny. (not my picture)
There have been very few times when I have been completely exhausted, my first day in Fiji, a couple of times on my trip to Germany, a few of my 10 days in Orlando, but I am only talking physically exhausted.  There was only a very few times in my life when I was completely exhausted emotionally, as well as physically and mentally.

One of those times was the day of my surgery for my ectopic pregnancy.  That morning I was completely excited, I was going to be able to hear the heart beat of my baby, but also very worried since I had been bleeding pure blood for a few days.  (Pure blood is not pink, or brown, it is bright red, but not diluted.  It looks like you have just cut yourself and then bled.)  I was on a great high, if slightly worried, I knew the numbers had been coming in perfectly normal, they checked constantly (since I was bleeding).  My husband was with me and we were finally going to be able to tell people that we were pregnant.  Then for manyith (I know it is not a word, it is now) time in my life they couldn't find the heart beat.  I was sure that I had lost the baby AGAIN.  They took some blood and advised me not to eat anything that I may have to have surgery later that day.  The second he mentioned surgery I knew what they were thinking.  I was having an ectopic pregnancy.  I kept hoping and praying that they were wrong that they didn't know what they were doing, that the baby was fine and the numbers HCG numbers would show that everything was ok.  Well the numbers did show that the pregnancy was progressing very nicely and they called me back.  They preformed another Ultra sound to make sure that they were not misdiagnosing.  I was asked if I had any occasional sharp pain, I let them know that my right ovary did that.  They moved the wand and found the heart beat, in the wrong spot.  I was still given hope that maybe the baby was sitting really high.

After the dash to the ER and surgery later, I found out that they had been right.   I lost not only my baby but my right ovary.  On top of that I found out that I had been bleeding to death internally.  By the time I got home I was too drugged, tired and emotionally wrung out to do anything.  I was exhausted in every way.  That is one time when I hit my complete wall.  All I could do was sleep; it took days before I allowed myself to feel what happened.  I feel that there is more to being exhausted than just being physically tired.  For me, it means being emotionally tired as well.  It can be a good or a bad exhausted but either way it means that I have come to the end of what I am physically, mentally, and emotionally capable of.

That should answer the NaBloPoMo promt. "talk about a time when you used up an extraordinary amount of energy and were exhausted."

Question of the day!
Have you ever hit your physical, emotional, and mental wall?

1 comment:

  1. I can't imagine how painful that experience was for you. Thank you for sharing your story.