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Thursday, September 27, 2012

9 years today!!!

I can hardly believe that my 9 year wedding anniversary is today.  I was so sure that it was last week that I was walking down the aisle (an hour late due to the church forgetting to unlock the doors for the wedding).

Wearing an amazing gown (with a hanger attached to the train.  But hey, it matched the dress nicely and held out the train.)

I was looking into the eyes of the man I was marrying (or the best man or the plant we didn't get our rehearsal due to the church).

Signing marriage paperwork (this did go right) and spending 9 years together. (They went better than the wedding).

In honor of today I am going to give advice on what has worked for me in my marriage.
My Husband in 2003, right after we were married.

You get a lot of advice when you are getting ready to be married, most of it isn't useful and I guess the married people don't want to scare you.  However, if you love each other and have a strong friendship then it should last.

The first piece of advice I can give you is to be friends first.  I know this sounds weird to many people; however there are many ups and downs in a marriage.  There are times when you can't keep your hands off each other, and times when the bed is cold.  This comes from the natural ebb and flow in a relationship.  If you do not have a strong basis of friendship than those cold times can break a marriage.  Romantic love changes constantly and sometimes other forms of love can be needed to keep everything alive.

2006, right after joining the military.
Do something together at least once a week that is only you and your spouse.  My husband and I, while having no children, have others who live with us.  This was putting a strain on our marriage, not due to money but due to the lack of time to just be with each other.  We decided that Saturday would be our day to spend with each other and away from others.  This only works because we don't have children.  If you do have children do something like watch one TV show together and then discuss it afterwards, or go work out together for a few hours a week.  In the end do something that helps build on that friendship.

If you go to bed angry that is OK, I know one of those pieces of advice that say never go to bed angry.  Well the real world doesn't' work like that.  However, make sure the other person knows that they are still loved in the morning.  Do something small like a kiss on the forehead and a short sentence in the morning or a typed or written note where they will find it.  This does not mean that you are not still angry, only that you still love them despite your anger.  Things will work out, and if they haven't in a few days then start to ask yourself why and what you are really holding on too.

2011 Just before Deployment
It is alright to look at other people (looking does not mean touching!) being married to a man in the military I have a fine appreciation for someone in a uniform and I love to see the forces working out in the morning.  However, it is not something I hide and it is something that is openly discussed (that friendship thing).  If he is looking at a woman it is not because she is better than I am or they have something that I don't. It is because she is different and he has a pulse.  We will discuss what he is looking at and sometimes it can be as simple as "that top made her breasts look large, I wonder where she got it so we can have you try it on?" Don't always assume that they are wishing something to happen with that person.  In the same way you can look at someone super attractive and appreciate what you see but not want to touch.

Arguments happen, we all know that one perfect couple that never argue and in most cases that means they simply don't care about each other, or are lying.  I know there is an exception to this so if you are that exception do not get mad.  However, if you argue about things like money, time, or other stupid stuff, that is normal.  Now if you are arguing every day then it might be an issue.

Not every marriage is going to make it, around 50% fail.  This can be due to many things, fighting, abuse, infidelity, grief, or other issues.  That does not mean the whole human race is evil.  I was lucky enough to find a fantastic man who loves me and can handle me.  Hopefully some others were as lucky or will be, don't set the bar so that everyone fails, but don't sell yourself short and settle for anyone.

2009 and not a great picture.
The petty stuff aside, it has been 9 fantastic years with brief issues.  (Yes wanting to kill them one in a while is a brief issue as long as you don't follow through.) 9 years, where the good times have far outweighed the bad in my opinion.

So in order to celibate, we are going to dinner tonight (no gifts, those are the season passes to Busch gardens) we are heading to the Melting Pot which has a great GF menu. A night with food, laughter, and the occasional cuddle in the corner, or maybe not, depending on who we bring with us. 
Wish us luck for the next year!

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